Monday, May 25, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Rolling Stone's Gay As Hell Top 100 Guitarists List
I am now officially convinced that the people at Rolling Stone are total dumbasses. Not only did they ruin a perfectly amazing July 14, 2005 Jessica Alba cover by covering up part of her boob with 'The Killers,' but they have the gayest, most blatantly wrong list ever made. Their list of top 100 guitar players, which I just found although it came out a while ago, is the gayest fucking thing I have ever wasted time on. Here's a few of the countless errors:
At #9- Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin
Needs to be in top 5. His solos saved so many Led Zeppelin songs. He was amazing enough for ninth place to be an insult.
#10- Keith Richards of Rolling Stones
He wasn't bad, but there is no way in hell he's in the top 10. He was a good rhythm guitarist, and need someone to push him down the list.
#12- Kurt Cobain of Nirvana
WTF?!? Looks like Rolling Stone hired a waterhead to pick the #12 spot, because I consider myself a better guitar player than Kurt Cobain. I think the amazing guitar players that he's ahead of should form a gang, dig him up, and beat the shit out of his dead body. If Richards needs someone to push him down the list, Cobain needs someone to bitchslap him clean off of it.
#16- Johnny Ramone of The Ramones
Considering that anyone can learn any Ramones song in less than 5 minutes, I don't think this is very accurate.
#17- Jack White of The White Stripes
WAY too high. Unlike Cobain, I agree he should be actually on the list, but top 20? No way. Not even in the top 75.
#26- Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine
His stuff can be repetitive, but rather than conform to what everyone else was doing with a guitar, he created a style of playing that no one else does better. Needs to be higher.
#27- Mark Knopfler of Dire Straits
He played without a pick, and recorded the best of his stuff when he was a teenager. Put him up WAY higher.
#39- Brian May of Queen
Higher, god damn it. Brian May could outplay most of the people ahead of him while he kicked all their asses.
#70- Eddie Van Halen of Van Halen
When I saw this, I had the sudden urge to kill everyone who has ever been associated with Rolling Stone. WTF? If only Eddie had just followed guitarists who were greater than him, such as Kurt Cobain and Jack White, then maybe he could have scored higher on this list. But instead, he chose to invent a style of playing, become the best guitar player of his era, and become the inspiration to thousands of guitar players. Eddie Van Halen could blow out of his ass onto a guitar and it would sound better than most of the Top 10 of this list. How about the people at Rolling Stone stop being douche bags and hire someone who actually knows something about music?
#85- Randy Rhoads-Ozzy Osbourne
Another case of way too low for some reason that only Rolling Stone seems to get. If he hadn't died, I think he would have been top 15, even on a list as douchey as this.
#87- Joan Jett of Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
Well, there's the token woman of the list. No matter that all 13 of the people below her could outplay her with one hand, it just matters that now we know Rolling Stone isn't sexist. Congratulations, you're all dicks.
#96- Angus Young of AC/DC
Why does everyone underrate him? He's a great guitar player, but apparently choosing to concentrate on great riffs and amazing songs instead of showing off constantly makes everyone think you suck. Way to go, everyone. Angus Young is kickass.
At #9- Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin
Needs to be in top 5. His solos saved so many Led Zeppelin songs. He was amazing enough for ninth place to be an insult.
#10- Keith Richards of Rolling Stones
He wasn't bad, but there is no way in hell he's in the top 10. He was a good rhythm guitarist, and need someone to push him down the list.
#12- Kurt Cobain of Nirvana
WTF?!? Looks like Rolling Stone hired a waterhead to pick the #12 spot, because I consider myself a better guitar player than Kurt Cobain. I think the amazing guitar players that he's ahead of should form a gang, dig him up, and beat the shit out of his dead body. If Richards needs someone to push him down the list, Cobain needs someone to bitchslap him clean off of it.
#16- Johnny Ramone of The Ramones
Considering that anyone can learn any Ramones song in less than 5 minutes, I don't think this is very accurate.
#17- Jack White of The White Stripes
WAY too high. Unlike Cobain, I agree he should be actually on the list, but top 20? No way. Not even in the top 75.
#26- Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine
His stuff can be repetitive, but rather than conform to what everyone else was doing with a guitar, he created a style of playing that no one else does better. Needs to be higher.
#27- Mark Knopfler of Dire Straits
He played without a pick, and recorded the best of his stuff when he was a teenager. Put him up WAY higher.
#39- Brian May of Queen
Higher, god damn it. Brian May could outplay most of the people ahead of him while he kicked all their asses.
#70- Eddie Van Halen of Van Halen
When I saw this, I had the sudden urge to kill everyone who has ever been associated with Rolling Stone. WTF? If only Eddie had just followed guitarists who were greater than him, such as Kurt Cobain and Jack White, then maybe he could have scored higher on this list. But instead, he chose to invent a style of playing, become the best guitar player of his era, and become the inspiration to thousands of guitar players. Eddie Van Halen could blow out of his ass onto a guitar and it would sound better than most of the Top 10 of this list. How about the people at Rolling Stone stop being douche bags and hire someone who actually knows something about music?
#85- Randy Rhoads-Ozzy Osbourne
Another case of way too low for some reason that only Rolling Stone seems to get. If he hadn't died, I think he would have been top 15, even on a list as douchey as this.
#87- Joan Jett of Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
Well, there's the token woman of the list. No matter that all 13 of the people below her could outplay her with one hand, it just matters that now we know Rolling Stone isn't sexist. Congratulations, you're all dicks.
#96- Angus Young of AC/DC
Why does everyone underrate him? He's a great guitar player, but apparently choosing to concentrate on great riffs and amazing songs instead of showing off constantly makes everyone think you suck. Way to go, everyone. Angus Young is kickass.
Top 10 Guitar Songs Douchebags Play At Parties
Haha here's a funny list I found on the internet. Check it out:
http://forums.nicoclub.com/zerothread/302606
http://forums.nicoclub.com/zerothread/302606
Thursday, May 21, 2009
ABC's: Old-ish Metal/Rock Bands
I'm bored as hell, so here's the ABC's of the best old-ish bands.
AC/DC
Angus Young is a pretty badass guitar player. Not amazing, but badass.
Others: Aerosmith, Anthrax
Black Sabbath
Overrated but still pretty damn good.
Others: Blind Guardian
Carcass
There's not really a standout 'C,' but this CD cover made me put Carcass here.
Others: The Cult, The Clash (Both are better than Carcass)
Deep Purple
If you can stay good while changing your lineup every few years or so, you deserve a spot on the list.
Others: Dio, Dream Theater, Doobie Brothers
The Eagles
Most of the songs they make become hits, and they have great guitar.
Others: Europe (Pretty much just for The Final Countdown)
Fear Factory
They have some BADASS drumming.
Guns N Roses
Slash is good but pretty overrated, and Axl Rose's voice is annoying as hell, but they make some super badass songs. Welcome to the Jungle is definitely the best.
Helloween
They have a crazy good cover of Paint It, Black by the Rolling Stones. That's not the only reason why, I just didn't really have anything else to say about them.
Iron Maiden
Hands down the best band on this list. One of the most amazing bassists ever, and super badass guitar. The songs are even catchy, which usually doesn't happen with the extremely musically talented.
Judas Priest
They have catchy songs too, and quite a few. One of my favorite and all around kickass.
Others: Journey
Kansas
Not a whole lot of very successful songs, but I have to give props to the geniuses that wrote Carry On Wayward Son.
Led Zeppelin
Thank you Jimmy Page for becoming the master of interrupting an otherwise bad song with an amazing, purely badass guitar solo.
Metallica and Motley Crue
There's so many M's, so there's a tie here. I don't like Hetfield's voice, it just seems to ruin a lot of Metallica songs, but they have amazing guitar and super fast bass pedaling to make up for it. Motley Crue is awesome, and unlike most of these bands, their new CD doesn't suck.
Others: Megadeth, Motorhead
Nirvana
The streak of purely amazing bands comes to a screeching halt. Nirvana was extremely popular, a lot because of Kurt Cobain, but extremely overrated. I saw Kurt Cobain on Rolling Stone's Top 100 guitarists list and it pissed me the hell off. Still, find an N band that's better.
The Offspring
A lot of people don't like the singer's voice, but I think it compliments their unique style of music. And they're badass.
Pantera
Again, an overrated band, but they are still awesome. They have extremely simple riffs that they turn into great songs, and can still shred (sort of) on guitar.
Queen
Great singing. Freddie Mercury was the face of Queen. Too bad he died of gay-AIDS.
Rush
If Fear Factory had Badass drumming, I can not begin to describe how kickassly awesome Neil Pert is.
Slayer
It's hard to not be good when you have four thousand people in your band.
Others: The Scorpions
Testament
They were good. And stuff. Someone please comment with a better 'T' band.
U2
Definitely not a fan, but their success is bigger than anyone else on here, and there's not a lot of competition in the 'U' section.
Van Halen
Guitar that makes you piss your pants, drums that make you shit yourself, and songs that make you not care. It's a shame David Lee Roth ever left. Dumbass.
The Who
A plethora of good songs, my favorite being 'You Better You Better You Bet.'
Symphony X
Not really old, and not really an 'X,' but rather than put a sucky band up here I figured I'd put them. 'Cause they're actually good. And there's an 'X.'
The Yardbirds
Again, not a fan. But they definitely have the most kickass group of guitar players of any band in history. They weren't all there at the same time.
-Eric Clapton
-Jeff Beck
-Jimmy Page
Damn. By the way, they eventually turned into Led Zeppelin.
ZZ Top
Although they needed grooming help, they definitely didn't at making music. Damn, that was clever.
AC/DC
Angus Young is a pretty badass guitar player. Not amazing, but badass.
Others: Aerosmith, Anthrax
Black Sabbath
Overrated but still pretty damn good.
Others: Blind Guardian
Carcass
There's not really a standout 'C,' but this CD cover made me put Carcass here.
Others: The Cult, The Clash (Both are better than Carcass)
Deep Purple
If you can stay good while changing your lineup every few years or so, you deserve a spot on the list.
Others: Dio, Dream Theater, Doobie Brothers
The Eagles
Most of the songs they make become hits, and they have great guitar.
Others: Europe (Pretty much just for The Final Countdown)
Fear Factory
They have some BADASS drumming.
Guns N Roses
Slash is good but pretty overrated, and Axl Rose's voice is annoying as hell, but they make some super badass songs. Welcome to the Jungle is definitely the best.
Helloween
They have a crazy good cover of Paint It, Black by the Rolling Stones. That's not the only reason why, I just didn't really have anything else to say about them.
Iron Maiden
Hands down the best band on this list. One of the most amazing bassists ever, and super badass guitar. The songs are even catchy, which usually doesn't happen with the extremely musically talented.
Judas Priest
They have catchy songs too, and quite a few. One of my favorite and all around kickass.
Others: Journey
Kansas
Not a whole lot of very successful songs, but I have to give props to the geniuses that wrote Carry On Wayward Son.
Led Zeppelin
Thank you Jimmy Page for becoming the master of interrupting an otherwise bad song with an amazing, purely badass guitar solo.
Metallica and Motley Crue
There's so many M's, so there's a tie here. I don't like Hetfield's voice, it just seems to ruin a lot of Metallica songs, but they have amazing guitar and super fast bass pedaling to make up for it. Motley Crue is awesome, and unlike most of these bands, their new CD doesn't suck.
Others: Megadeth, Motorhead
Nirvana
The streak of purely amazing bands comes to a screeching halt. Nirvana was extremely popular, a lot because of Kurt Cobain, but extremely overrated. I saw Kurt Cobain on Rolling Stone's Top 100 guitarists list and it pissed me the hell off. Still, find an N band that's better.
The Offspring
A lot of people don't like the singer's voice, but I think it compliments their unique style of music. And they're badass.
Pantera
Again, an overrated band, but they are still awesome. They have extremely simple riffs that they turn into great songs, and can still shred (sort of) on guitar.
Queen
Great singing. Freddie Mercury was the face of Queen. Too bad he died of gay-AIDS.
Rush
If Fear Factory had Badass drumming, I can not begin to describe how kickassly awesome Neil Pert is.
Slayer
It's hard to not be good when you have four thousand people in your band.
Others: The Scorpions
Testament
They were good. And stuff. Someone please comment with a better 'T' band.
U2
Definitely not a fan, but their success is bigger than anyone else on here, and there's not a lot of competition in the 'U' section.
Van Halen
Guitar that makes you piss your pants, drums that make you shit yourself, and songs that make you not care. It's a shame David Lee Roth ever left. Dumbass.
The Who
A plethora of good songs, my favorite being 'You Better You Better You Bet.'
Symphony X
Not really old, and not really an 'X,' but rather than put a sucky band up here I figured I'd put them. 'Cause they're actually good. And there's an 'X.'
The Yardbirds
Again, not a fan. But they definitely have the most kickass group of guitar players of any band in history. They weren't all there at the same time.
-Eric Clapton
-Jeff Beck
-Jimmy Page
Damn. By the way, they eventually turned into Led Zeppelin.
ZZ Top
Although they needed grooming help, they definitely didn't at making music. Damn, that was clever.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
First Post
This is the first post of TD, so here's a rundown of what's happening here:
Stuff that's Awesome
-Avenged Sevenfold
-Half Man Half Toaster Pastry
-Green Bay Packers
-Playing Guitar
-Anything that Andy Samberg is in
-Dragging Dead Bodies in Blue Bags Up Really Long Hills (The song)
Stuff that's the Opposite of Awesome
-Fall Out Boy
-Dissing on Half Man Half Toaster Pastry
-Guys who say 'LOL'
-Mint Mojito Orbit Gum
-Dallas Cowboys
-Minnesota Vikings
-New England Patriots
-Dragging Dead Bodies in Blue Bags Up Really Long Hills (Actually doing it)
Stuff that's Awesome
-Avenged Sevenfold
-Half Man Half Toaster Pastry
-Green Bay Packers
-Playing Guitar
-Anything that Andy Samberg is in
-Dragging Dead Bodies in Blue Bags Up Really Long Hills (The song)
Stuff that's the Opposite of Awesome
-Fall Out Boy
-Dissing on Half Man Half Toaster Pastry
-Guys who say 'LOL'
-Mint Mojito Orbit Gum
-Dallas Cowboys
-Minnesota Vikings
-New England Patriots
-Dragging Dead Bodies in Blue Bags Up Really Long Hills (Actually doing it)
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